THE WORLD OF CHAD

Hello

2008-06-14T14:26:00.001-07:00

DREAM CATCHER

2006-01-08T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody, I'm back again. I call this post "Dream Catcher". A dream catcher comes from Native American folk lore, it is said that all dreams are floating in the air, good and bad, and if you place a dream catcher over you head as you sleep that bad dreams not knowing their path will get caught in the dream catchers web and be destroyed by the light of the sun in the morning. Good dream, knowing where they should go will pass harmlessly through the hole in the center down to you. Now I don't believe in that kind of stuff, but I thought it would be an interesting add on here.

I'm sitting here with my Diet Dr. Pepper watching Family Guy which is quite possibly one of the best shows on TV today. Today I'm going to write about something that has beenbothering me for a while. I have had this recurring dream for quite a while now and it took a wierd turn last night. My normal dream is that I am lieing in bed and I feel myself being pulled upward. I start rising up, and am spinning and tumbling upward for what seems to be about ten minutes. I fight it like I am trying to swim against a current and I eventually break free and begin a rapin descent and then I wake up sweating and feeling drained. Last night however, there was a twist. It started like that ringing you get in your ears from time to time, but magnified like a thousand times. It was so loud, it sounded like one of those tornado sirens in my head. This is where I began my usual uncontrolled rapid ascent upward. It's like I am being carried by my arms and legs and being spun around. Along with the ringing in my ears, I heard all of these voices. I can't remember specifics about who they were, but I do know they all seemed familiar to me, like they were peopl I know. I can't recall exactly what they were saying, but they were all cries for help for some reason. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs because of the pain in my ears. I was alone last night as usual, so I don't know if I was yelling out loud in real life. As I was being carried up into the air, I tried to fight it. The really wierd and kind of disturbing thing that I don't understand is that everytime I have this dream or any version of it, I am completly aware that I am asleep and dreaming. Every time I know it isn't real and I find myself trying to wake myself up. I kick and scream and Yell, "wake up, its only a dream", I hit myself and try pinching my self on the arm to wake up as I try to fight loose and fall to the ground I always wake up somewhere in my descent. It is really wierd. I didn't know you could have that kind of consciuosness in a dream like that, and it kinda freaks me out. When I am floating flying or whatever you call it, it's not like is in some wierd location or space or anything, It's like I am always in my room and I am always descending back to my bed. I always am able to wake myself up. Now, I don't know if I was really yelling, but when I did wake up, I was exhausted, spent, my throat was sore just like I had been yelling. I was drenched in sweat and my head felt like it was about to expload and my covers were tossed all over the place. This dream was by far more disturbing than any of the others. What were the voices calling out? Why were they? The normal dream didn't bother me so much, actually I got kind of used to it after all, I always knew i was dreaming and I have always been able to wake myself up.

Now I am not one to believe in all of that supernatural mind fucking kind of shit,
I have always been sceptical of that kind of stuff, but this really freaked me out. If anybody out there knows anything about that kind of stuff let and what it could mean, let me know. And no motherfuckers out there better laugh because if you know me, you know I don't talk about shit that bothers me like that and I don't like it.
Anyway folks until next time thanks for playin.

A POST WITH NO NAME

2006-01-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

Helo friends. I sit here once again with a cup of cherry Kool Aid, wearing nothing but a red Kool Aid mustache on my face and a French tickler on my cock. Just kidding, there is not a Kool Aid stain on my upper lip. Tonight I am not listening to Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows like I usually do when I write. Tonight I am watching the uncensored Jeff Foxworthy roast on Comedy Central. I must say it has been very funny so far. If you have never watched Comedy Central in the middle of the night you have noticed that about every five minutes a commercial for "Girls Gone Wild" videos. I must say that it does look quite entertaining. It kinda makes me tingle down there. I have seen that comercial like 20 times tonight and now I have the urge to pillage. That's right my friends, I have the urge to just go out and pillage some bitches!!

This past Saturday, I went to a New Years Eve party. Now I started drinking just a little bit before, about two hours before to be exact. I normally don't drink before a party, but the last one I went to, I arrived well into the festivities and I don't like being the only sober one at a party trying to play catchup. I was hellbent on making sure that wouldn't happen, oh shake it baby spank that ass! Sorry, the GGW commercial just came back on and the ADD kicked in. Ok let's see, where were we oh yeah I was determined not to be the sober guy so I started dinking Crown and Sprite in my Big Gulp cup before I stopped off at Leemer's. When we arrived at Nate and Ali's, I was just a little lit already. We got there and they had the greatest food on the world, Little Smokies. Smokies rock, fuckin A. I brough some Hpnotic and cognac to make the shot Incredible Hulk. I wasn't sure how to make it, so I figured we would get it right with a little trial and error. I want to say I'm Sorry to Ali who was a victim to one of my "tester shots" that didn't come out just right. Something really cool happened at that party, somebody actually asked me for guitar tips and that kicks ass. Anyway I had a great time and got pretty drunk thanks.

Well folks, it's 1:37am and I think I am starting to get tired. So I think I'll just go pull one off and go to sleep. until next time, Thanks for playin. Later

AWAKE DAMNIT

2005-12-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. The time is now 12:50 a.m. and I have to be at work at 6:30am. My current posisition all started when I fell asleep on the couch shortly before the Cowboys game, which now makes me feel glad that I missed it as it appears they received quite a spanking today. I woke back up at about 7:50 p.m which is cool because that means that I fidn't miss Family Guy. Then I had to sit through a presidential address before I could watchit.
Now I consider myself a Republican but I don't see pulling out of Iraq as a defeat, I just see it as pull our troops home and let the fuckers kill each other. Why not we do it here in gang infested territories, lets do it over there too. Those folks are gonna keep killing each other and I just don't really see why we should get in their way. If you jump in the middle of a cock fight, then you are likely to get pecked. So to that I say step back and let the cocks fucking fight it out and we should just go in and take over all of the oil while they aren't looking. That way everyone is happy. We get gas at a reasonable price which is all I want from that region of the world and they get to fight each other and that's what they want. Everybody's happy.
Ok enough political bullshit. I don't like talking about that shit it bores me. Last night I had two nondenominational day of celebration gatherings and I didn't even get fucked up. But I can't say that for everyone though. I am a little pissed that nobody saved me any Schlager at the second one though. I think everyone will agree that the Leemer had a great time last night. I don't remember the last time I saw him that fucked up. It was great.
It was a fun night at the Leemers last night. It's always fun to see how many people you can fit in a one bedroom apartment. I haven't done that in like seven years it awas great. Thankyou Leemer, it was a beer drinkin, shot takin, hooka smokin, joke tellin, embarassing picture takin, lesbian porn watchin, fifty year old woman tit discussin good time. And you know it's not a good party if somebody doesn't pull the shower curtain down rod and all while trying to piss without falling over. Fun times my friends fun times.
Well, I am going to try once again to see if I can get to sleep so until next time folks, thanks for playin.

WASTING TIME

2005-12-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody, I don't have alot to say today, so I just posted these answers to a survey that the Leemer sent me. Enjoy folks

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Lets just say I was drunk, and her hand was dry.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
nothing

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
A fucking cell phone what do you think?

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Any and all.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
No clue.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Pussy.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
The good old days.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
My guitar.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
That vanilla perfume chicks wear makes my pants go crazy.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
No

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME TO WEAR.
Polo Sport

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
A ponytail out the back of a ball cap.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Can't see it.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
QT coffee kicks ass.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Canadian bacon, aye

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Cheesecake

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Nobody, everybody loves some Chad.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Pig Latin.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
Not sure I ever got one.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Probably wouldn't fall in love either way.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
A spanking, after all it hurts you more than it hurts them.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
three

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Probably mom

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Stupidity

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
Mexico

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
A pretty face.

37. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
Cart pusher

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yep

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Nothing better to do..

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ass implants, I have no ass.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Because I'm cool.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My sense of humor. And my big penis.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Become a bootlegger and make a killing.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A bitch

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
2

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No, I'm one of a kind.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
In the city I can't really see them, so I wish upon the airplanes.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Thumb

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Last night, I kicked the foot of the bed with my pinky toe. Damn that fucking hurts.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah, because I'm the only one that can read it.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham!!

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Cigs,

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD YOU OWN?
Vanilla Ice, To the extreme or some shit. Hey, I was in 4th grade when I got it.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Hell yeah, I would fuck the shit out of me.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Is alcohol involved?

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Hit a wall

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME.
Work

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Not really

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
G.I. Joe, the cool ones not those gay ass Barbi looking ones.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Only when I speak.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Nope

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sense of humor, big lips, and a wet spot.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES!
Chado, Chadwick, Chaderus, Chadanysuffix, and ADD boy

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I don't were shoes with laces.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Cookies n cream.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Blue, and green

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
Two

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Nobody

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Don't really care

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Watching Southpark

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Steak and ribs

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Julie

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
It depends on which direction they are facing.

80. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Wichita Falls, TX

81. SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Woke up, looked out the window and saw that Creepy Burger King guy.
That dude freaks me out.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Kool Aid

83. FAVORITE JOKE?
Not sure

84. FAVORITE SPORT?
Football

85. YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Redish blondish lightish brownish? Not real sure, it kind of canges with the seasons on itsown.

86. YOUR EYE COLOR?
Blue

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Yep

88. SIBLINGS?
1 older sister

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
January

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Never tried it

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Southpark.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
none

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Yep.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Not real big on one night stands, Relationships not real big on me.

97. WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
I don't

98. FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
"It's not easy being green" by Kermit the Frog

I'm Back

2005-12-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody, I know it has been a long. Please forgive me. I have been really busy lateley and I just haven't had alotof time to update my blog. A lot has happened since the last time we met. Let's see, I went on probably the worst road trip in history which left me stranded in BFE Tennesse for 3 days. I no longer work overnight. I also got a pretty good promotion at work and now I work in Azle (BFE, Texas). Overall, I guess I can't really complain other than the fact that I am in a pretty bad drought right now. But then again, what's new? Oh yeah, I almost forgot, check out the right hand margin I put a nifty little comment box in there. Ain't I just the high tech redneck. yeehaa

BITCHIN ABOUT ASSHOLES OF THE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN

I hope all of you survived the big ice storm of 2005. You gotta love how for two days the news completely focuses on the weather. They always have to show all of the idiots who just have to stock up at the grocery store like they they will be snowed in for a month. Then you have to cut to the scene of bumber to bumper traffic with cars slipping and sliding all over the place. It's great.

I guess I also have to love the fact that I can get to work in this oh so fucking horrible weather, but nobody else can. It amazes me how nobody can ever seem to get to work on ice days, but everybody can get to the grocery store to be apart of that scene on the news showing all of the jack asses stocking up on D-cells, bottled water and Pop Tarts like it's the fucking apocalypse!!!! Then the assholes just go get in a damn wreck just so that I will have to sit in traffic. These people deserve what they get. I was pleased to see though that a good bit of the jack asses on my way home last Wednesday did at least have the descency to go off into the ditch and get the fuck off the roads. Why is it that people in the DFW area just don't know how to drive? Seriously, people in this area see a cloud, they start having wrecks. Why can't people drive. I'm driving down an icy highway, and you would think that everyone would know that this is ice and I might not be able to stop as quickly as normal, but no, everyone is driving like 4 feet away from each other like its any other damn rush hour. God I hate people!!!

Ok, I guess I have bitched and moaned enough for one day, until next time, Thanks for playin

2005-12-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

2005-10-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

2005-10-28T16:41:00.000-07:00

Your Pimp Name Is...

Pimp Daddy Dazzle

What's Your Pimp Name?

2005-10-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

2005-10-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

Your Power Color Is Gold

At Your Highest:

You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you.

At Your Lowest:

You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life.

In Love:

You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude.

How You're Attractive:

You passion for life makes others passionate about you.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Having Fun?"

What's Your Power Color?

2005-10-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Android Mask
Your Superpower is Dance Dance Revolution
Your Weakness is Jealousy
Your Weapon is Your Robotic Whip
Your Mode of Transportation is Capsule

What's your Superhero Name?

2005-09-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

30 DAYS

2005-07-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here with a glass of Kool-Aid instead of a Dr. Pepper. Everybody Knows is playing as it always does when I sit down as my musings flow through my fingertips. This is a special day because I just got finished carrying those weights that I wrote about yesterday up three flights of stairs. I realize now why they stayed in the trunk of my car for the last 4 months. That shit sucked! I titled this post 30 Days because I am going to do things a little bit different the next thirty days. This is not about changing myself into something I’m not, it’s about becoming the person that I have pretended to be for so many years. Here is the breakdown.

I will read a book per week until I have finished every book that I own. I believe I will start with Money-ball. I know this will take more than a month, but in my experience, if you can get past that month threshold on starting something new then you can probably stick with it.
I will learn to play a new song every day. Wait, with my work schedule lets make it three songs per week. You guys pick the songs. I believe this is an attainable goal since I have finally started to get the basics and if I loop a song on iTunes and the tab is on Guitar Tab Universe , I can figure it out in a few hours. Please pick easy sounding ones for now
I will cancel that gym membership and use those weights and the gym downstairs at my apartment complex. I will do this four times a week.
Now this is the tough one. Giving up the only doctor I know Dr. Pepper. I think I will cut myself down to two per day. Hey, thats still like 1200 calories less a day right there.
I will at least once a week try to cook something using those spices in that spice rack. Anybody know what the hell a Coriander is?

Now will these things I have listed above change my life? Of course not. I am not out to change my life, I think my last post may have been misconstrued by some people. These are just good habits to help me become a more well rounded person and to give me something to write about here. You see, my friends, a blog is a place to say what is on your mind. It is where you can clear your mind and just type whatever it is that pops up at the time. I appreciate all of the comments that I have received from that post. But after reading them I think that some of the things I said may have been taken the wrong way. I am not a depressed person nor have I ever have been, however I do appreciate the concern. Those were just some of my quirks for lack of a better word. We all have them we just don’t always talk about them. With that said my friends stay tuned and to tomorrow you will find out about the EXPERIMENT it’s something I came up with a while ago and I think it will be amusing.

BIT OF USELESS KNOWLEDGE FOR THE DAY

In the film Raiders of the Lost Ark, when Indiana Jones falls into the snake pit in Egypt, there is an image hidden among the wall’s hieroglyphics of C-3PO and R2–D2, robots from the Star Wars movies.

Until Next time thanks for playin.

CONTRADICTIONARY

2005-07-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well folks here we are once again. Leonard is playing and I got this Dr. Pepper that I don't need sitting in front of me. Once again to sit here and write something funny for ya'll to read and giggle because well, that's whats expected. That's what I'm here for right. I watched an episode of Seinfeld last night where Jerry wasn't supossed to act funny. The first part of todays writings will probably not be too funny, but then again it may be. I've never been the type to be taken too seriously, yet I've never really done anything to warrant it either I don't guess.

I want you all to think of something for me. If there was a book written about you, what would it be titled? I think mine would be called the The Contradictionary.
I have stacks of books that I have bought yet never opened. I don't know why this is, maybe I just feel smarter having a lot of books. I never could get through a book even when I was a kid in school. I always got good grades though, so I guess it didn't really matter. I own two guitars, yet can't play one. They do however look cool leaning up against opposite corners of the apartment though. There is the spice rack in the kitchen full of spices. I don't know why I own this. I guess maybe to give the illusion that I know what I'm doing in the kitchen as I usually just make a sandwich or grill a hamburger on the good ole George Foreman. I can pour a mean bowl of Frosted Flakes though. I get terrible headaches every day, every joint in my body goes snap, crackle, pop. I can hardly walk at the end of a typical work day, yet I don't ever go to the doctor. I complain that I am fat and out of shape, yet I have been paying for a gym membership for years that I never use and I eat the worst food at the worst times of day and drink about 10 Dr. Peppers a day. To make it even worse I have had a weight set in my trunk for months and have just been too damn lazy to carry it up the stairs. I always complain that I have fallen victim to the curse of the Friend Zone yet I have never had the guts to speak up and be anything else. The Cake song Friend is a four letter word has fit my life many times over the years. I have always been the person people could confide in and tell their problems to. For some reason I have always been that person that everyone could tell their problems to yet I could bring myself to talk about mine. Then again, I can't complain there either. Its just so much easier to take the good old "walk it off" philosophy that I was raised to use. I could always help other people relaxand feel comfortable, yet I never can. I don't know when the last time I was truly relaxed was. I am always told that I am so laid back, but how is this possible if I don't ever relax?
Remember as a child, close your eyes , pull the covers over your head, if you can't see the boogieman, he's not there. That's how I have always dealt with my problems. I think that needs to change. I have always been expected to be the responsible one all my life. I was always the mature one for my age, this may be because my career started when most kids were still flipping burgers. 90 percent of the people I worked with and worked for me were twice my age by the time I was 19. I worked full time from the time I was 16. I was always the mature responsible one. The reality is that I am probably the most immature person you will ever meet. I am 26 years old, I rather watch Scooby-Doo cartoons than a movie. At the grocery store, I buy cereal based off of which one has the best toy. They just don't put too many toys in cereal these days, what's up with that? Ya'll can play with your iPods and computers all you want, give me a coloring book or a box of Legos I would be just as happy. I am sorry guys, this must be a beating to read. It probably looks like a bunch of rambling. I have been at this for about 4 hours off and on and I can't keep my head from channel surfing.

I read the stuff above and I think back to the last night we spent in Mexico last year. We were sitting on the roof of a bar in Acuna Mexico called the Tequila Club and were under the influence. A Mexican drug dealer named Marcos was giving everyone readings, not knowing anyof us. When he got to me all he said was "you are a hypocrite" . Everybody else got long drawn out ones, but that was all I got. When I read what I just wrote, I realize that maybe he was right. A friend zoner recently sent me a text message that said that I need to get right in the head. I wasn't sure what that meant, but now I think I do. There are issues in my head that I guess I should deal with instead of just changing the channel.

I have always tried to be whatever everybody else wanted me to be that I have become nobody. I have always tried to live up to someone elses expectations, but have never really had any of my own. I think that oughta change. Well, that's all I got. I know it was very unorganized and rambling and didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I guess that's just me. I promise the next writing will be back to the normal funny shit. Until next time, thanks for playin.

THE LITTLE THINGS

2005-07-11T02:48:00.000-07:00

First of all, I would like to say hello to both of my readers out there. It has been a long time. I would also like to apologize to my friends for missing the lake trip today. I could not sleep for a while and was up for almost 48 hours and just wasn't tired. Well, that changed about 4:30 am this morning, I was out, fell alseep on the couch watching tv. Usually I enjoy playing my normal possition on the team as the perpetual third, fifth, or seventh wheel being the butt of everyone's ADD jokes, and I like the food too, but today I was just too tired, sorry guys. I did wake up at about 7:00 this morning just long enough to move from the couch to my bed, where I just put these new 300 thread count sheets on my bed and they are oh so comfy. After like the fourth wake up call from the Leemer this morning I just had opt out for today's activities. In my fit of insomnianic rage, I did however manage to finally clean my pig sty of an apartment, it's been quite messy lately and needed a good cleaning. OH OH this morning, or yesterday, or was it the day before ( sorry, punctuation is not my friend and the ADD is kicking in and the commas are probably in the wrong spots in my endless run on sentences and I'm probably missing some prepositions or semicolons or some shit somewhere, but you folks are smart so just pretend they are all in the right spots thanks) yeah definately day before now I found a little surprise in my mailbox. It seems that the fine folks at Camel cigarettes decided to send me a set of really cool shot glasses that have blue lights that flash on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and of when you fill them up. I don't recomend filling them with a Baileys and Vodka shot though. It's a bouncer, meaning that it goes down and then bounces right the fuck back up, pretty embarrassing. I don't know if it was the shot or the fact that right before, I had just pigged out on Chinese food, beer, and Cookies and Cream Ice cream, oh yeah the Twizzlers and Animal Crackers before that. It had to be the shot. Other than finally learning how to actually play afew songs on my guitar, thanks to the Leemer not much is happening in the boring world of Chad. If anybody knows why I keep getting an error and my iTunes keeps cancelling everytime I try to burn a CD please let me know because its really pissing me off. Ok I'm going to turn on Leonard Cohen, grab another Dr. Pepper and smoke a quick cigarette and I will be right back.....

.......about an hour later............
Sorry it took so long folks, I went into the other room and got distracted by the off-air colored stripes on tv, they're pretty oh so pretty........... Then when I hit the guide button on the remote, I found that Mallrats was on and I had to watch it even though it was on the We Channel. Anyway, ADD begone!

There are a few things in this world that really annoy me. I think that Robert Earl Keen Jr said it best "It's the little things that piss me off"

1. Loud public cell phone guy-- You all know this person, he or she is the one who at the store or in the restaraunt or my personal favorite the idiot on the plane who just has to wait until the stewardess taps him on the shoulder to tell him to shut it off right before taxiing. We all know these people, some of you may even be these people. They talk really loud about things noone cares about almost as if they are saying to everybody, Hey look at me I have a cell phone. News flash asshole, everybody has one nowadays. You can walk into the infant department at fucking Wal-Mart and see a tag hanging off a pair of pants that says "Cell Phone Pocket!" Does it really need its own pocket, come on now. I guess I shouldn't slam the cell phone pocket because I am also annoyed by the folks that wear their phone on their hip like its a fucking badge. Now I have friends who do this so if you're reading this please don't be offended I mean no harm . If you are offended then always remember happiness is only a click away and go fuck off.
I can remember myself saying several years ago " I don't need a cell phone. Whats the point? What could possibly be so damn important that it can't wait until I get home or get to work? I bought my first one about 8 years ago because everybody else had one. Yeah baby you know the one I'm talking about it was the brick sized Motorola flip phone and it was the shit back in the day. Today I don't even own a home telephone. Everybody has my cell phone number if you don't, you're probably not that important. If you happen to be a hot chick reading this let me know and I'll give it to you. Nowadays if I forget my phone my day is ruined. What if I miss a call? What if my car breaks down? What if something happens to a loved one and I'm unreachable? What if I get arrested for some reason, I don't know a single phone number for my one phone call, they are all in my phone. What if I see something cool that I want to take a picture of? And the mother of all whatifs and God forbid, what if I miss a fucking text message? Those are tricky little boogers, you can miss all the calls you want but if you don't answer a damn text message then somebody thinks you're either pissed at them or dead. My day is plagued by a series of what ifs just because I forgot to put a little piece of plastic into my pocket. I don't need a cell phone. What's the point? So the next time you think you're cool just because you have a cell phone, remember this. The only person that worked for was freakin Zack Morris from Saved By the Bell.

2. Loud hands-free cell phone guy-- I know what you're thinking Doesn't this fall under number one? The anwer my friends is no and here's why. HFCG(hands free cell phone guy) is in a league all his own. This guy not only is loud, but he talks louder than regular loud cell phone guy and when you see them they are always looking right at you when they fucking talk, so you never know if they are talking to you or whoever is on the other end. It's like this guy is saying "hey, look at me I have a cell phone and Look ma no hands!! all at the same freakin time! I know you know what I'm talking about here. A while back, I was at the mall and I saw a guy carrying on a conversation, talking, listening , and responding. At first I thought he was just another HFCG until I noticed that his hands free chord wasn't even plugged in! I seriously wanted to just walk up and bitch slap the muthu fucka. For some reason, the HFCG usually seem to be of a particular group. I don't know why this is. I don't want to offend anyone, but in my observation the HFCGs usually tend to have a year round tan if you know what I mean. If anyone knows why the blacks lean more toward the hands free device let me know. If anyone can help shed some light on this, let me know, because knowing is half the battle. Maybe it's so they will always have a free hand to hold their pants up at the fucking crotch while they walk. They wear their phone on their hips like a badge so that it holds their XXXXXXL Phat Pharm Rocka Whateva shirt up so that we can all see whatever freaking color of boxer shorts they are wearing. So that I don't sound bad, I really do see Crackers and Beaners do it too sometimes.

3. Lottery Ticket Lady-- This one is really annoying because she affects me. It never fails, you are running late for wherever you are heading and you stop at 7-11 to get a Big Gulp, you go up to the counter to find her in front of you. She's that skinny , leather faced usually cracka ass( notice I used the "a" at the end instead of the "er" that makes it ok to say) white trash bitch that looks as if she spent the last 20 years baking in the sun chain smoking a carton of Vagina Slimes all damn day. We've all seen her, all you want is your Big Gulp and she's there taking what seems to be a life time picking out stupid scratch off ticket asking "what's been hittin lately? Then after an eternity she has the audacity to want to scratch them off right at the damn counter!! It makes you just want to give her a big fat donkey punch right in the back of the friggin head!! All I wanted was my Big Gulp.

4. Last minute check writer at the grocery store when you're in a hurry Lady-- Why does this lady wait til the end to fill out her check. Did she not know who to make the check out to when she got in line? Did she not know they need your DL # and phone # on the check? Did she not know her own fucking name? Did she not know that she was going to need a friggin pen to write the check? I hate this lady. What is so annoying about this one is that it is completely avoidable!! Most of the check could of and should have already been filled out. Or just sign the damn thing and let the damn machine fill it out for you. Show me a bank that doesn't have debit or check cards, and show me a store that doesn't take them. If they won't take a card they damn sure won't take your check. Let's face people this is the flippin 21st century, if you're writing a check in a store instead of using a card, you are probably floating it because the money ain't there. Or you're just old. All that time and trouble and all I wanted was a Hot Pocket and a Coke.

5. The "Oh, I almost forgot to give you my shoebox full of coupons Lady" in front of you at the store. -- I won't ramble on about her, she's alot like the check lady. Just makes me wanna slapaho!

I know what you're probably thinking. Chadwick are you sure you're not just impatient? Maybe so or maybe I'm too patient tick tick tick BOOM goes the dynamite!

HOW TO DO SOMETHING STUPID

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM THE TRUNK OF A CAR

1. If there is no wall between the trunk and the back seat, then just push the seat forward and ckimb out. If there is a wall, proceed to step 2

2. Check for a trunk release cable underneath the carpet. If there is one there, pull it. If not, proceed to step 3.

3. Look for a tool of somesort, like a pry bar or screwdriver or some such to pry the latch open. Still no luck, proceed to step 4.

4. Yank on the brake light wires and bust the light out. You can then stick your hand out and yell at passers by and cars behind you. Still no luck? Then sorry buddy, you're fucked.

Remember, no car trunk is air tight so stay calm you won't run out of air. But, in the summer time it can quickly heat up to 140 degrees.

BIT OF USELESS KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAY:

BOTH KELLOGG'S CORNFLAKES AND GRAHAM CRACKERS WERE ORIGINALLY MARKETED AS REMEDIES FOR CHRONIC MASTURBATION.

Well, I don't have either of those and its bedtime. Until next time folks that's all for my boring life. "Adventure, excitement, a Jedi needs not that stuff" .....Silent Bob in Mallrats
THANKS FOR PLAYIN

2005-06-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

2005-06-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

danica patrick

SSUPP BUDDY?

2005-06-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, I just got home from another night of working at my place of my job. I know it has been a while folks and I am sorry. I am sitting here at my desk with my Dr. Pepper with the greatness of Leonard Cohen singing " Everybody Knows" playing on the good ole itunes sweeett!
I am ready to write.
I get to work last night only to find out that some of the dumb asses that work at my place of job have started the rumor that the reason I haven't been at work lately, on the same 3 nights that I have off every week was because, get this. Apparently I got arrested on my day off for dealing drugs in the parking lot of my place of job! Now in the business I am in you have rumors, its a part of my place of job culture. Normally they are about frat. Normally there is something that could possibly be miscunstrued as such. But come on now, Me a drug dealer in a parking lot? Please... Chad don't roll that way dawg. Everybody knows I stick to the elementary schools. Damn, I'm going to hell for that one. Anyway the good news is I get to fire the worthless piece of shit that started the rumor. That's how it goes, everybody knows.
I'm sorry guys, but my spelling sucks and for some reason that little button at the top of this editor with the "abc" and the check mark doesn't do shit and its making me a little T.O.ed!

In other news, the Texas Rangers have designated pitcher Ryan Drese for assignment after getting his ass kicked by the Phillies on Tuesday. Is this all part of the Hammer's great bull pin rumble conspiracy? Who knows?
A-Rod became the youngest player to hit 400 homeruns yesterday. Who cares, not me.
Poster child for OZ Mike Tyson says " I will gut McBride like a fish," speaking of Kevin McBride whom he will face this Saturday coming up. Did I get that right? I've never been too good with my who's and whom's. Sorry A.D.D kicking in again, lets get back on track here.

Last week one of the girls at work asked me a question. "Chadwick, Big Papa, (that's what I make them call me, the joy of management) why don't you have a girlfriend?" I couldn't resist, I had to say it and I think you know where I'm going with this. "Girls only want boyfriends that have skills". I know what you're thinking, "so Chadwick, was this girl hot? Well, my friends let me tell ya, no. Not only no, but Hell No. I mean I don't think I could dock my boat at that pier if Captain Morgan was at the Healm if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

NEW TOY:

I got a new toy today. It's called "20Q" and it is really creeping me out. It's made by Radica and it basically plays 20 questions with you. I am here to tell ya, this thing gets it right everytime. It's wierd. Not only does it win, it's a smart ass too! It's pretty cool my friends. I think I feel a new segment coming on here. Stump the 20Q!!!, Send your off the wall ideas to the comment page and I will see if it can guess them. Its about 10 bucks at my place of job.

HOW TO DO SOMETHING STUPID:

PERFORM THE JEDI MIND TRICK:

1.Gain your subjects trust. Listen to him when he speaks to you. What he says and how he says it.

2. Make your sublest feel safe. Show intrest, ask him about his family and where he's from, you get the gist. Look him in the eyes.

3. Match your subjectexactly in his tone, speech patterns, and breathing. Breath as he breathes. If he speaks loudly, you should speak loudly, If he lowers his voice, lower yours. Imitate him in subtle ways.

4. Begin to mirror your subjects behavior. Imagine that your subject is looking in a mirror, and that the mirror is you. If you are sitting together, sit in the same position as him. As you conversw, use the same vocabulary that he uses. Be subtle-- you don't want him to notice that you are mirroring him. If he crosses his legs, cross yours. If he shakes his head when he speaks, you aslo should. This puts your subject subconsciuously at ease.

5. Attempt to lead your subject's behavior. You may now be able to influence your subjects behavior by subtly taking control. Begin to lead your subject's movements, breathing, and vocabulary. Notice that he now begins to move as you do, breathe as you do, speak as you do. Now, the two of you are in synch. Take control by insisting that he give you what you want. "You don't need to see my papers." Keep in mind you must stay flexible. You are messing with someones subconsious.
cited The Action Hero's Handbook; David Borgenicht and Joe Borgenicht

USELESS FACT OF THE DAY:

The first toiletever shown on TVappeared in 1957 in an episode of Leave It to Beaver, titled "Captain Jack"

SUGAR PIE OF THE DAY:

With Indy coming to town, I feel we owe it to Danica Patrick to be the Sugar Pie of the Day.

Until next time folks, thanks for playin.

A NEW DAY

2005-05-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

Today is a new day in the world of Chad. Lets all give congrats to Carrie Underwood from Checota, Oklahoma for winning the American Idol. In other news, A-Rod is seeing a shrink to help deal with his "internal demons". Just face it man your new name is Big Gay Al. Jerry Rice signed a one year contract with the Denver Broncos. The NFL owners voted to allow the sale of the Minnesota Vikings. A group led by shopping mall juggernaught Zymunt Wilf from New Jersey will purchase the team for $600 mil. Red McCombs is the current owner and the sale is expected to close in June. Wilf will keep the team in minnesota. Sorry Jerry, Tampa Bay will be hosting the 2009 Super Bowl Not you.
The Rangers beat Kansas City yesterday 4-3.
Lance Nix was ejected yesterday, he is the first player to be ejected this season. Give it to me Lance!!
Rumble in the dugout yesterday as pitcher Ryan Drese and catcher Rod Barajas shared some love as they went at it.
Bucks take on it "They are to passionate people who care about th Rangers winning. It doesn't always have to show itself that way. But I'm proud that our guys care. We moved on to the next inning."
Barajas said, "Sometimes in the field, your emotions get the best of you." Gay or not Gay

Bye bye Dickey as he will now be a Tripple-A Oakie.

I now want to appoligize to the women out there. It seems I may be a little insinsitive when I call women chicks. It is disrespectful to females and I am sorry for that. Forgive me Lord for I am an empty shell of a man. Please keep our troops safe in Iraq, and may all of Sally Struther's starving Ethiopian kids get a cup of coffee every day. Amen

NEW SEGMENT

SUGAR PIE OF THE DAY:
Todays Sugar Pie of the day is golfing hottie Natalie Gulbis. She really knows how to wear that pony tail out the back of her ball cap. She makes my pants go crazy. You can see her at www.nataliegulbis.com

HOW TO DO SOMETHING STUPID

HOW TO PASS A BRIBE:

1. If you are hassled by an official be friendly, but aloof. Stay calm and don't look worried.
2. Never offer the bribe flat out. If you are wrong you can get into trouble
3. If you are accused, ask to pay the fine on the spot.
4. Try to deal with only one official.
5. Offer to make a "donation" to their organizatin
6. If you don't have cash, make sure you have something else of value on you.
7. Be carefull, don't carry alot of cash in your wallet, the more they see, the more they will want.

Now folks it is time to say goodbye. Remember this if you don't like what you read here, happiness is only a click away.
Thanks for playin

2005-05-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

gulbis

2005-05-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

natalie gulbis

HEY EVERYBODY

2005-05-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, its me. I'm new to this whole blogging thing, so please bare with me, if not then skrew yous guys and thanks for playin.
I first want to take a moment of silence for the fallen Mavericks that were slain by Phoenix last week. We will see ya'll next season.
Now on to business here are the top 10 hottest chicks as determined by Maxim magazine.
10. Sarah Foster: She's that hot chick in the movie The Big Bounce
09. Jessica Simpson: everybody knows who she is. Thanks God for putting her on this Earth.
08. Brittany Murphy: Clueless and Sin City
07. Angelina Jolie: Queen of the D.S.Ls Damn you Brad Pitt damn you straight to Hell!!
06. Rachel Bilson: She's a piece from the OC. Ive never seen it, but I think now I will.
05. Jessica Alba: My little Dark Angel is Also in Sin City where sh plays a cowgirl stripper.

I'm sorry my ADD is kicking in, if anybody has seen Sin City let me know. I gotta see it. Even if it's not the greatest movie in the world, it certainly does seem to have the chick factor going for it. Chicks are cool. Ok back on track now.

04. Lindsay Lohan: She was a hot little piece of barely legal ass, but now she's going after that anorexic crack whore look.
03. Jennifer Garner: The hot little recently Afleckted Alias chick. Damn you Ben for knocking up that ass.
02. Evangeline Lilly: Lost chick, nice.
01. Eva Longoria: I got something for that Desperate little wife!!

NOW FOR THE DAILY SHIZNIT

HOW TO DO SOMETHING STUPID:

HOW TO ESCAPE A MOUNTAIN LION

1. Don't Run!! : They will catch you
2. Make yourself look bigger. Open your coat if ya got one they are less likely to attack a large creature
3. Do NOT get in the fetal possition: Show it your a man or pretend to be one. Don't look helpless
4. Back away slowly or wait till it leaves

5. If it acts pissy, throw a rock at it.
6. Fight back if it attacks and gaurd your neck and throat. Good Luck with all of that!!

source: Worst Case Scenario Handbook

I also want to give my salute to all the cute chicks out there that can pull off the "pony tail out the back of a ball cap" trick. There's just something about it that makes my pants go crazy.

Now I'll remind you to
"Eat your cereal with a fork and do your homework in the dark,"quote Happy Harry Hardon

Thanks for playin

2005-05-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

drunk at the river